My Dear Fellow Passengers!

I have been planning to write this for a long time now. What better time to write than after a tedious 22 km drive back home in rain.  Now that I am all comfortable and have snuggled in my blanket with hot maggie to eat on my side, I have opened my laptop to pen my observations.

There are so many different people you encounter on the road when you are frequent rider. Here I have tried to narrow down people I usually encounter on the road, into categories that largely define them. Below are certain “types” of people you might encounter on the road. If I’ve missed out some types, please put them in your comments.

·         The Overtaking guy: This guy is very common and you can come across him very often. I’m not sure if its gender specific, but this guy “has” to overtake you. There he is happily going at his own pace without disturbing anyone. But the moment you have overtaken him, he goes bizarre. An immense amount of energy enters him as he switches into the next gear and overtakes you. He is delighted by his small victory and drives off in his own joy without coming back to his original speed.

·         The guy who “Spits”: Now I’m not sure if this is specific to Hyderabad but in Hyderabad, you can see them very often. Like the name suggests, these guys spit.. yes.. they just spit. They can be driving a bike, car or an auto. If you are driving behind them, you cannot predict when they decide to spit. So the moment they do that, you have to calculate a complex mathematical formula to understand the direction in which the spit is proceeding and with the help of your fined reflexes, move in order to avoid it and simultaneously balance your vehicle. You know just like how Shahrukh Khan in Main Hoon Na and Keanu Reeves in Matrix escaping their respective targets. But don’t think that these spitter guys are all idiots; some of them are very empathetic. They very cautiously bend down from their respective vehicle and spit so that it falls on the ground. Some of them are even talented to open the door of the running car, spit and immediately close the door. But I think they usually forget the laws of physics and don’t understand the importance of wind that can carry their saliva from one place to another. So if you don’t want a abstract tattoo design (usually red) on you, beware of the “spit” guys you drive next time on the road as these guys can be anywhere.

·         The Stalker guy: These guys are usually on a two wheeler and are usually found in certain areas. They play their own game of stalking like coming close to you and then overtaking you. But unlike the overtaking guy, these guys slow down to catch up with you. Some very artistic guys can also entertain you with a song while stalking you. What amuses me is their patience and persistence. Even though its 40 degrees hot or its raining cats and dogs, they are never disappointed. While everyone around you are irritated with the traffic and are waiting to get home as soon as possible including you, these guys have all the time in the world to stalk you. There are many ways to get rid of them. But one of my very proven way is to go up to them and ask, “Bhaiyya, kya problem hai?”. It works best because the moment you ask them this question, they are taken off guard. They have not anticipated this situation and are therefore not prepared. I also usually ask them to stop at the next traffic signal and that we can have a conversation if there is any problem. Nervous and afraid of the sudden turn of events, they either increase their speed and rush or take an unwanted turn.

·         The F1 Kids: Yes… Kids because these guys are not more than 18 years old. They usually appear on a bike that looks like a cross between our simple Hero Honda and those fancy race bikes. These kids loves stunts and are usually driving over 80 km/hr. I doubt if anyone of them have a driving license. What they don’t release is with their inappropriate traffic sense and over the top horn sounds, they create disturbance to everyone on the road. But I also empathize with these kids because they in their adolescence think life is such a jolly ride. Tomorrow when they have jobs, responsibilities and they have to drive their simple bike through hectic traffic to get home, they will not get these carefree moments to feel like the king of the world.

·         The “Splash” guy: You get to see these guys only during monsoons. Like the name indicates, these guys like to “splasshhh” water while driving. The entire road is almost empty but instead of driving on that end, they choose to drive through puddles of water. And by God’s grace, there is no shortage of water puddles, either large or small on our roads. A prolonged drizzle can create a mini swimming pool on the roads. Even though I don’t understand why guys in car do this, what amuses me most is when guys on bikes do this. The sadistic itch to drive through that dirty water which results in splashing everyone makes them blind to the fact that even they are getting drenched. But they just continue to do that.