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PS: this blog was written by me on a lazy afternoon when i was in my one of those rare moods in which i think about my life, my frnds, the people around me. this kind of writing comes out of anger and hope. i would never want this to publish in a blog where everyone can see it, i would prefer it more to be in my dairy. but i somehow feel some people can relate a lot of things to themselves after going through it. so go ahead and read.

i've just realised that i've stopped writing. the Passion which i had from the age of 10 is dying slowly within me. all i needed was a paper and a pen and some privacy and i had the most happiest moments of my live when i wrote something... i knew i could never write like philosophers or the other dark intense writers and that was the thing i loved about myself. i was different, i was funny, i was vunerable... i was ALIVE. i never followed patterns to write anything. i never wrote for others. i wrote for Myself. thats the reason i wrote more in my dairy than in my blog. some get energy from compliments, some get it from appreciation, some get from other means but i never thought of it. i got it from myself. i had this tank full of energy which multiplied whenever i got tired and so i never ran out of it.... people around me were aware of it and so they always choose to be around me. i loved everyone, everyone loved me back. i enjoyed helping others.. i thought i was more human than many of them around me. i asked for no gratitude and i never expected it. but whenever i got ignored by the same people, i felt bad coz i never expected that from them. but i forgave them .. yes, sulked a little but finally forgave them.. but i was never aware of them taking it as my weakness. i was never aware of it.

now that i am realising a few things, i feel sorry for myself. i feel sorry b'coz i thought everything in this world was good. my world was with colours i wanted. and now that i am seeing the greys around me, i feel sad. sad to allow myself dream a second longer, to expect all good from others, to blindly believe that everthing with me was going on well. i've seen bad things, sad things, miserable things around me in these years... if it would have been someone else, i am not sure how long they would have carried on but i did. i dont call myself strong because i find people around me weak. i call myself strong b'coz i know I AM strong. strong enough to be alone through days of misery. some my call it depression but i dont name it that way. it would be the last word in my dictonary.
Do i change for the world or be the way i wanted to be?? .. i've been asking this question for a very long time now and suddenly i've realised, is it even worth to think of a question like that. how can i change for the sake of the world when i am in love with myself. beacuse i believe, until u love ur ownself, u cannot be ALIVE. yes, a few things in me have changed this time. i am not too much worried about others than me. i dont want to help others unless they ask me to. i will not take things for granted unless they open thier mouth and speak. i am in no mood to kill my selfrespect and answer them before they even think of the question. but the major part of me still remains the same.. untouched and undisturbed. People can never change my ideals, my thinking. the only thing they can make me do... is to make me Stonger.... the more pain i see, the misery i face... it can only make me STRONGER b'coz i am in no mood of breaking down.

after reading all this, if u think i have a major ego problem.. then i dont stop u from calling me a EGOIST

Reality Bites!!!

hey guys.. how r ya. i usually start with this line insipte of the fact that nobody actually bothers to see my blog or comment and all that but it kind of gives me a line to start something, to bore u ppl for the next five mins.
there is so much happening in life, not mine, in lives of ppl around me like my sis got shortlisted for IIM Banglore ( she still can't believe it), my frnd is getting married ( now this is something i cant believe coz come on she is still wat?? 22.. and she is getting married.. MARRIED!!! but lemme tell u something, if i am permitted to do the kind of shopping she is doin right now i dont mind getting married tommorow either but jokes apart i am vry happy for her and god bless her), another frnd of mine got this Govt job after a lot of struggle ( i am veryy happy for him and god bless him too). so havin all these ppl around me, i didn't find anything specific in my life to write about until yesterday.
before i start my story, i request u ppl to remember the dettol or some soap ad in which the small kid saves the little puppy and her mother is all happy about it and if u are a telugu, just keep in mind the scene from the movie Ninnepelladatha in which Tabu saves the little doggy and soon it becomes a part of the family and they live happily ever after. In all these movies these kind hearts save the dogs on roads and they turn out to be thier best friends but lemme tel u something, those are just movies, i will put the light on the reality now.

now getting with the story... i had a very nasty day with a very bad mood through out and finally decided to go to RamaKrishna Mission to find some peace to sulk some more. i asked my sister whether she was coming with me. as usual she said yes ( she just needs a reason to come out). so we got all ready and i started my kinectic to leave.
i just reached the main road where i saw something which made me stop. there was this cute little white pup on the road, looking confused in the traffic. one hit by a vehicle and it would have gone to knock the doors of the heaven (or hell, who knows??). so as i said, the traffic was in its peak time and everyone were trying to get their way without hitting the poor thing. there were people around but no one bothered to save it, infact they were seeing it as if they were watching a film ( i hate people who don't love animals) . seeing this my heart melted, the animal lover in me woke up, i felt like saving this vunerable creature from this cruel world and thats exactly wat i did.
i stopped my kinetic, parked it aside and asked my sister to wait. i think even she was confused like the creature out there not knowing wat i'll do next. i went near it and tried calling it as i usually cal my doggy like moo- moo, chuu- chuu the kind of code language which i guess only dogs understand but this dog clearly didn't coz it didnt even bother to pay attention to me insipte of seeing me. poor thing, its afraid, i thought. i finally decided to take the situation in hands coz by this time everybody around me was watching me like perfect audience including my sister while i was doin my silly act. so i waited a minute for the traffic to clear and just when it did, i went behind it to hold it in my arms where it will feel secure.
as soon as i tried holding it, i felt two sharp teeth piercing into my skin right through my palm. "ooch" i said loudly and took a step back. everything happened in a split second that i didnt understand how it all happened. i saw my sisters expression and realised she was looking at my palm with a kind of " oh my god!!" expression on her face. by this time i felt something wet on my palm and realised why she was shocked. my palm now was red in colour, with my blood ofcourse.
i didnt know wat to do, all i wanted was some water to wash it coz i still remember the first aid for dog bite which was told to me in school (biology or some other subject, i dont remember). by this time everyone around me started paying more interest to me ( i guess they started enjoying themselves by this time coz the act was at its best). fortunately some lady who was selling some flowers there came to me and helped me in washing the wound. then she said something that took my attention from the pain for a second. she said that the dog was there only for a very long time and it was going around in circles and it might be crazy. that minute i took a good look at the dog. yes.., yes!! it was going in circles and it must be mad to go like that in traffic. crap!!! that stupid dog is mad.. a MAD dog bite me!!!!! some uncle beside me smiled at the expression on my face.. silly uncle!!.
" auto , auto" i called out in anger ( i felt angry on that uncle who was laughing by this time now and part of me was screaming at me like (" why the HELL do u do all these CRAZY stuff?? ") and then we rushed to the hospital.

u must have guessed wat wat happened nxt, two injections on my both arms ( Ooocchh!!!) and lots of instructions like i cant eat non- veg for six months, cant go out in rain, observe that stupid dog regularly and all that crap and not only that i have five more pending injections for my dose to complete including the one on valentines day. while everyone around me will me celebrating their love for their partners, i will be celebrating my love for animals by taking a painful injection (rocking, isnt it).
so that way my story ended and left me with a very valuable lesson which i will remember for the rest of my life. " always mind ur own bussiness and donot, i repeat, DONOT interfere in things without thinking and don't help unnecessarily without them asking ". this holds good for not only the animals around me but also the people in my life coz after this i've realised that i keep on helping or doin things for people whom i know and sometimes for the people whom i dont know properly and lot of times i get a backstab in return.

after reading this, think about it for a minute, may be u r just another spandana :)